10 months tsw

My month 9 tsw was the Worst. I thought I was healing in january, I saw my Skin getting better. But as March came my Skin flared up. My hands are really dry, flaky, red and inflammed. My Arms Are rashy and some red patches Are Starting to develop Again.

My neck is getting ok, have to deal with some dry Patch Every now and then.

By the Way, Last March I started to collect my dead Skin on a small zip lock bag. I know it's disgusting but looking at it and how much skin I shed everyday makes me realize how toxic this withdrawal is. I hate it! I want it to end already!

Sometimes i think of slathering protopic on my hands. I haven't thrown my stash yet.

We'll go on vacation on May and i want my skin to Look Good. We'll be visiting our relatives back home and I know I will get sick and tired of explaining what I am going through. Oh the weather also bothers me. It'll be 35 degrees celcius or more. I hope Not to flare up badly due to Summer Heat.

If I use Steroids or protopic for the sake of my vacation, I'll be back to Square one.

This horrible nightmare makes me feel that I am Not a good mom. Because of my Skin, my hubby bathes our son coz my hands hurt. Sometimes i get easily irritated and impatient when he cries and I Start to scratch and Feel Bad about not having to Comfort my son. Deep inside i Wanna give up.

It Feels good to scratch Till it hurts. I will only stop if it bleeds. I know i Must Not do it coz it will only infect the Skin.

Arrrgh i just want to be myself Again.